Every single female above the age of ten has at least said that to someone at least a million times in her life. Some women even think that this statement is an insult to the dogs. Most of us have even literally compared dogs to their men, so let me also have a go at it with all the males I know, one Nigel Kilee Lokko included.
Rottweiller, Dobberman: These are the mandingoes of the Bow Wows. Huge and dominant, Rotts have a confidence and presence that lets their owners know that they are invincible. They are the Tall, Dark, and Handsome of the canines and every
bitch female dog, and female female, wants to hang around them because of all the things they portray: protection, influence, arrogance (come on girls, you know you love that), security…you name it, they got it. Typically the alpha males of the dogs, they do tend to be possessive, hence why they are great guard dogs and can do the work of 4 watchmen. However, they get serious separation anxiety…it is at this point that a certain love song by Goodfellaz comes to mind. It went something like “…I will cry if you walk away, wonder why if you wallk away….
Monsiuer Rott will put effort into wooing you: Dinners, movies, spend quality time, send you silly romantic texts, watch the sunset with you, carve both your names on the bark of a tree, heck he will even have a secret smile that he uses only for you. He is a man who knows how to make a woman feel good. Admittedly, I am a Rottweiller kind of girl…. But unlike diamonds, they won’t last forever. Rottweiller will go cuckoo after 8 years and you are going to have to put him down lest he kills you. Yes love, your Mr. Romantic is not gonna be for long, so I suggest you make it good while it lasts…real good. As Martin Lawrence (I think) would say, “Ride ‘till the mother-effing wheels fall out.”
Great Pyreneer, Kuvasz: These are basically mountain dogs. They have thick white fur that keeps them warm and blends with the snow and the flock, which is a much needed advantage as Their main aim is to protect their flock from predators. Confident, fearless, tolerant, and protective, these dogs literally put their life before the flock, and are very sweet tempered about it.
If you are a female reading this, the only person that comes to mind is Daddy, right? Dads love all their kids, but will do anything-and I mean anything- for their daughters. They spoil them rotten and will go hungry just so sweet Stephanie can have that barbie doll she has been asking for for so long. Dads know, that their daughters know, that they (the daughters) are their weak spots. They know when they are being used…yet they are OK with it, because that earns them the adoration from their girls.
However, just like the flocking dogs, Dads can be extremely possessive and stubborn when it comes to decisions concerning their daughters. Nas couldn’t have said it better in his song Daughters.
German shepherd/Alsatian, Collies: Out of all the canines, these dogs retain the most ‘wolf’ behaviour than any other type. They stalk and chase their herd on a regular, as if anxious that something is going to happen to it (the herd). Of course the herd does appreciate the sense of protection and the sensitive nature of these dogs, but they can be a bit much, know what I mean?
It’s like those guys who are dating banging hot babes: they always feel the need to check on these mamis, not because they care (of course they care), but because they want to be sure that no other dude is nyemelearing. If she says she is gonna hang with the girls tonight, Mr. Alsatian shall be beside himself with worry. In fact before the end of the night, he will probably show up where these girls are hanging out, just to be sure that she is ‘safe’. This of course leads to fear based aggression, something that these dogs also struggle with. Toot toot..what a drag to date such a guy.
Retrievers: The guy who came up with the word ‘party animals’ probably bred retrievers. This breed, with the most common being the golden retriever, are typically happy-go-lucky kind of folks. Good natured, outgoing, energetic,happy, mouthy, and very vocal, they are the life of the party. If you have them as pets, you can be sure you got a great wingman to make you look good. Easily trained, they are submissive enough to go out and hunt and bring their spoils to their master, hence why they are great at Frisbee.
All the cougars reading this are now counting how many retrievers they have dated. Young, energetic campus boys who are eager to please both in their bedside manner, and their bedside manner…if you know what I mean. As long as the cougars keep throwing the Frisbee, these young’uns will always catch it and bring it back….until they wear you out. Their endless energy will eventually get on your nerves, and if they are bringing the Frisbee back to you on a regular, best believe they will get possessive. Paradoxically, retrievers are known for their wanderlust too…. And don’t we all know that all those ‘kept men’ have their other tu-dames…. chuckle chuckle.
Companion Dogs- these are mixed breeds that end up being an actual breed like the dalmatians, poodle, keeshond, and the boston terrier among others. Due to the mixing, these dogs depict characters of very many other breeds, all wrapped up into one. They basically need a lot of attention because they are mainly kept as pets.
You know those moody guys who always seem like they are on PMS (there has gotta be a male version, I just don’t know its name yet) everyday of their life? Yes, those guys are the ones we are talking about. One minute they wanna argue about that guy you keep texting, the next minute they are soooo sorry and make it up to you with a nice pair of shoes. OK, I only hear about these men, I have never encountered them (thank heavens), so I don’t have that much to say about them.
Northern Breeds: Best example is the Huskies. Very, very beautiful dog with nice thick fur that sheds dirt so its always clean. Very independent, and if not fenced, tend to roam. And just like most hotties, their wanderlust is on a high and they are very difficult to obedience train. I seriously don’t know why one Biko Adema comes to mind in this one….the looks I guess. Again, I wouldn’t know- I’m a Rottweiller kind of girl, remember?
Toys- Mentioning them last will make any Chihuahua or pug come barking at me in its shrill voice right about now. Yes, they are actually called toys. And just like any short man, they suffer from chronic SMS (Short Man Syndrome), and hate to be put down to the ground. So much that they attack anybody who tries to ‘pat them down’, whether child or grown up.